Officials Golden Retriever Never Hold Your Farts Travel Up Your Spine Into Your Brain Premium
Officials Golden Retriever Never Hold Your Farts Travel Up Your Spine Into Your Brain Premium
Bold Design, Soft Fabric — Your New Everyday Favorite
Imagine scrolling past this and NOT getting it. Yeah, we can’t either. Soft Gildan® cotton, studio-quality print, and a fit that just works. You’re welcome.
📸 Mockup is a tee — but we’ve got you covered. This design ships on 4 styles: T-Shirt, Long Sleeve, Crewneck & Hoodie. Your call, your style, made just for you.
What Makes It Hit Different
- 🎨 Print That Pops — DTG-printed directly into the fabric. No cracking, no peeling — just bold, vivid color.
- 🧵 Feels Like a Hug — Gildan® fabric with OEKO-TEX certified dyes. Premium comfort from the inside out.
- 👕 Your New Daily Driver — Relaxed classic fit with reinforced seams. Tear-away tag = no more neck itch.
- 🇺🇸 Sustainably Sourced — US Cotton Trust Protocol. From farm to fabric — responsible at every step.
Material Details
- T-Shirt & Long Sleeve: 100% cotton (5.3–6 oz) — lightweight, breathable.
- Sweatshirt & Hoodie: 50/50 Heavy Blend (8 oz) — pill-resistant with spandex cuffs & waistband.
- Fabric note — Sport Grey (90/10 cotton/poly) has a slight poly blend for that classic heather finish.
Your Perfect Match
Reference the charts below before you order:
Available Colors
Gildan 5000 — Unisex T-Shirt
| Size | Length | Bust |
|---|---|---|
| S | 28 in (71.1 cm) | 36 in (91.4 cm) |
| M | 29 in (73.7 cm) | 40 in (101.6 cm) |
| L | 30 in (76.2 cm) | 44 in (111.8 cm) |
| XL | 31 in (78.7 cm) | 48 in (121.9 cm) |
| 2XL | 32 in (81.3 cm) | 52 in (132.1 cm) |
| 3XL | 33 in (83.8 cm) | 56 in (142.2 cm) |
| 4XL | 34 in (86.4 cm) | 60 in (152.4 cm) |
Gildan 18000 — Unisex Sweatshirt
| Size | Length | Bust | Sleeve |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 27 in (68.6 cm) | 40 in (101.6 cm) | 33.5 in (85.09 cm) |
| M | 28 in (71.1 cm) | 44 in (111.8 cm) | 34.5 in (87.63 cm) |
| L | 29 in (73.7 cm) | 48 in (121.9 cm) | 35.5 in (90.17 cm) |
| XL | 30 in (76.2 cm) | 52 in (132.1 cm) | 36.5 in (92.71 cm) |
| 2XL | 31 in (78.7 cm) | 56 in (142.2 cm) | 37.5 in (95.25 cm) |
| 3XL | 32 in (81.3 cm) | 60 in (152.4 cm) | 38.5 in (97.79 cm) |
| 4XL | 33 in (83.8 cm) | 64 in (162.6 cm) | 39.5 in (100.33 cm) |
Gildan 18500 — Unisex Hoodie
| Size | Length | Bust |
|---|---|---|
| S | 27 in (68.6 cm) | 40 in (101.6 cm) |
| M | 28 in (71.1 cm) | 44 in (111.8 cm) |
| L | 29 in (73.7 cm) | 48 in (121.9 cm) |
| XL | 30 in (76.2 cm) | 52 in (132.1 cm) |
| 2XL | 31 in (78.7 cm) | 56 in (142.2 cm) |
| 3XL | 32 in (81.3 cm) | 60 in (152.4 cm) |
| 4XL | 33 in (83.8 cm) | 64 in (162.6 cm) |
Gildan 2400 — Unisex Long Sleeve Tee
| Size | Length | Bust | Sleeve |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 27.95 in (71 cm) | 36.22 in (92 cm) | 33.46 in (85 cm) |
| M | 29.13 in (74 cm) | 40.16 in (102 cm) | 35.04 in (89 cm) |
| L | 29.92 in (76 cm) | 44.09 in (112 cm) | 36.61 in (93 cm) |
| XL | 31.1 in (79 cm) | 48.03 in (122 cm) | 38.19 in (97 cm) |
| 2XL | 31.89 in (81 cm) | 51.97 in (132 cm) | 39.37 in (100 cm) |
| 3XL | 33.07 in (84 cm) | 55.91 in (142 cm) | 39.37 in (100 cm) |
| 4XL | 33.86 in (86 cm) | 59.84 in (152 cm) | 38.98 in (99 cm) |
Tap a style above to view its chart. Measured laid flat.
- Pick your color from the chart above.
- Choose your size using the size guide.
- Add to cart — we’ll handle the rest!
Delivery Info
- ✅ Made in: 1–3 business days.
- 📦 US Shipping: 3–7 business days.
- ⚡ Rush Delivery: 3–5 business days.
- 🌍 Worldwide: 1–2 weeks.
Every item is made to order just for you. Please verify your size using the chart above. We can’t accept returns for sizing errors, but we’re always here to help if something isn’t right.
🛒 More to love at hypedriptees.com. Designed for you, printed with pride.